We still haven’t fully realized that fear is the death of a child’s inner world. If we truly understood that, would we; who call children the ornaments of our hearts; ever allow ourselves to frighten them, even unintentionally? Would we really crush their potential or stunt their emotional growth?
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Even if we ourselves never directly scare our children, here’s what often goes unnoticed: many others in their world; relatives, neighbors, other children, even household staff; are casually planting fear all the time. And even when we want to stop it, how often do we speak up?
Let’s assume we’ve banished direct scaring from our homes. That’s a good start. But what about the indirect ways fear still creeps in? Sure, we’ve dropped the old threats; no more “policeman will come,” “tiger will eat you,” or “creepy man will take you.” But have we truly stopped feeding fear in subtler, more serious ways?
Here’s where we need to pause and examine ourselves. Because the truth is, wherever we ourselves are afraid, we pass on that fear; without saying a word.
Everyday Fears Children Absorb at Home
These are the lines that children hear day after day:
- “Shut the door properly; what if a thief breaks in?”
- “I can’t sleep alone in this big house; I feel scared.”
- “No way I’m going out in the dark; it gives me the chills.”
- “Hurry and serve food; if I’m late, I’ll lose my job!”
- “I’m terrified of my boss; I freeze every time he talks to me.”
- “My teacher scares me so much I forget everything during class.”
- “At sunset, I never walk past that peepal tree. Gives me the creeps.”
- “I hate coming home late; that lane near the graveyard feels haunted.”
Without realizing it, we’re letting children see fear in every corner of their environment; at home, on the street, in school, even in how adults carry themselves. And so, fear begins to take root; quietly, subtly, permanently.
The Fear Hidden in Punishment
Here’s another indirect way fear enters: punishment. When a child makes a mistake and is punished; shouted at, scolded, or hit; it doesn’t just affect them. Other children watching silently soak in that fear. Even if they don’t understand the reason behind it, their little minds register this much: adults can become dangerous. And so, fear settles deeper.
Worse, without knowing who or what to fear, they begin to fear everything. And without context or clarity, this fear can follow them for life.
Scary Stories, Creepy Men, and Too Much Drama
We also love sharing stories; ghost tales, robbery scenes, horror from the news. We may laugh them off, but children don’t. Their faces show it; wide eyes, stiff shoulders, a silence that says more than words. That’s us, unknowingly passing fear onto them, just for our own amusement.
Even when we take them to the theatre or movies, we forget that intense fight scenes or violent moments can overwhelm a young child’s nervous system. They may not have words for it, but they feel every beat of it; as fear.
Even children’s storybooks, plays, and cartoons need careful choosing. If we describe “the ogre snatched Sonbai” with too much drama, or draw a creepy man too frighteningly, it may leave behind a deep, irrational fear. And we won’t even know when or how it was planted.
And yet, children love excitement. They love adventure. But there’s a line between thrill and trauma. We must know the difference; and stay on the safe side of it.
When “Don’t Be Scared” Actually Feeds Fear
Ironically, we often scare children by repeatedly telling them not to be scared.
- “There’s nothing under that tree, don’t be silly.”
- “Don’t be afraid of the dark; there’s nothing there.”
In saying this, we unintentionally spotlight the exact thing they might fear. And when we force bravery, we end up embedding the very fear we’re trying to erase.
A better way? Support them. Comfort them. Stay close. Let them face small fears gradually; with you beside them; until their confidence grows. It works better than shame. Always.
Teaching Caution Without Creating Panic
Now here’s a tricky one: how do we warn children about real dangers without making them scared?
The answer is calm, simple guidance. Not scare tactics.
- “We’ll watch the tiger from afar. No one goes near the cage.”
“Walk on the side of the road. If a car comes, just stay alert.”
Say it lightly, confidently. If there’s going to be a loud noise, give them a heads-up. If you’re visiting the zoo, explain that the lion will roar; and that’s okay. No surprises. No drama.
Children; especially under the age of seven or eight; are highly impressionable. A single fearful moment can stick for years. But with the right tone and timing, that moment can be completely transformed.
So Let’s Ask Ourselves Honestly:
We may have stopped directly scaring children. But have we stopped the indirect ways we feed their fear?
In most homes, you’ll still hear things like:
“Stop crying or the ogre will take you.”
These lines are used to stop tantrums, make them sleep, win obedience. But even if a few parents are letting go of these habits, let’s help them notice the other ways fear still sneaks in.
Because fear; once planted; doesn’t just disappear. It grows in silence.
Disclaimer:
This article reflects the thoughtful insights and lived experience of the author. It has been published to promote meaningful reflection and conversation on parenting, emotional development, and mindful communication with children. As a publication, we respect the author’s voice but may not necessarily endorse every viewpoint expressed.
