Parents often say this to their children; “Why did we raise you then?” Not once, not twice; many times. The words fall carelessly, with little thought. And children? Most of them don’t even know what it means. They hear it not because they understand it, but because someone made them hear it.
We say it when we’re upset, when we don’t get our way, when something doesn’t go as we like. The tone sharpens. The meaning lands heavier than we realize. Children begin to feel the weight of it, even if they can’t explain it.
But this sentence; this sharp, casual line; should actually make us stop and feel ashamed.
Did we really raise our children just to say this to them?
We raised them out of instinct. Out of love. Out of emotion. Because we were moved to do so. Because not doing it would have felt wrong. We raised them to satisfy something within ourselves. And if we’re honest; in some cases; we raised them with expectations buried deep under good intentions.
Then later, when things don’t go the way we imagined, we snap:
“Why did we raise you then?”
Can a child answer that?
Can we?
There’s a hidden self-interest in that question. It’s the voice of unmet expectations. We hoped for something; consciously or unconsciously. And when that’s not returned, we lash out. And in doing so, we throw a shadow over everything we did for them; the love, the effort, the sleepless nights, the sacrifices; all wiped away in one breath.
That sentence turns parenting into a transaction. It makes family feel like a contract gone wrong.
The truth is, we didn’t raise children to be repaid.
A home is not a shop. A family is not an account book.
Raising a child isn’t a business of give and take. It’s a deeply human, natural act; something sacred and beautiful. It holds dignity. And meaning. But when we speak out of bitterness, even that beauty gets lost.
We forget why we did what we did. We lose perspective. And we become the very people we once promised ourselves we’d never become.
Let’s not forget: children are not investments. They are not life insurance. They are not a retirement plan.
They are life, given by life.
We raise our children not so they can do something for us, but so they can become whole people; who then raise their children with care and wisdom. That’s how humanity grows.
In that sense, raising our children well is the way we repay our own parents.
They gave us life. They protected us. They stood by us.
And now it’s our turn; not to pay it back, but to pass it on.
There’s nothing noble or extraordinary about raising your own children. It’s not a favour.
If we don’t do it, we’re the ones in the wrong.
Children are born of love. They’re our creation. Their care; emotional, physical, intellectual; is our responsibility. If we don’t raise them, who will?
So the next time the thought creeps in; Why did we raise you then? stop for a moment and ask yourself instead:
Why did we bring them into this world in the first place?
